My wife and I recently celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. In honor of the occasion, I asked couples who had been married 40, 50, or even 60 years a simple question: What relationship advice would you give to your younger selves? The participants ranged from a mid-60s couple who had just celebrated their 40th anniversary…
Ask anyone what they think keeps a relationship strong, and they will probably tell you it’s love. There’s some truth to that: love is what draws us together in the first place. But after years of studying couples as a psychologist, and as a husband, I’ve realized something that research keeps confirming: The real factor…
When people ask me what couples fight about the most, they expect the usual suspects like money, sex or parenting. But after years of research, and from real-life experience in my own marriage, the answer is much simpler: tone of voice. That’s right. It’s not the dishes in the sink or the unpaid credit card…
When Amy Morin was 26, her husband of five years died suddenly of a heart attack. They’d started building a life together, including buying a house and becoming foster parents. So “when he died, all of the lifelong dreams I had with him died, too,” says the now 46-year-old psychotherapist and author. Morin didn’t think…
One of the most common myths about long-term relationships is that couples eventually run out of things to say. It’s easy to believe: Life gets busy, routines take over and conversations become more about logistics than connection. As a psychologist who studies couples, and based on my own experience being happily married, I know how…
Sometimes, 24 hours just doesn’t feel like enough. Between work, commutes, and a growing to-do list, it’s easy to get through an entire weekday without really connecting with your partner. But staying close doesn’t require extra time — just intention. As a psychologist who studies couples (and as a husband), I’ve seen firsthand how small…
In successful relationships, both partners feel emotionally secure, connected, and comfortable being themselves around each other. But for many of us, romantic relationships can bring out our deepest insecurities. As a Harvard-trained psychologist who works with couples, I often tell people that emotional security in a relationship starts with seeing yourself as worthy of love,…
Many of us already know the components of a healthy relationship — things like strong communication, total honesty, and unwavering commitment. But most people don’t actually know what these qualities look like in practice. As a result, couples may find themselves in a miserable situation. Even worse, they don’t recognize it due to unhealthy habits…
