Parents today try to raise their children for good grades, perfect behavior and high achievement. We want them to do well and be able to handle challenges in life. But research shows that confidence and resilience stem from a child’s ability to feel safe being fully themselves. In my work of studying over 200 kids,…
Many people assume emotional security means never feeling jealous, arguing or questioning where they stand. But couples in emotionally secure relationships can navigate discomfort without losing trust in each other. As a psychologist who studies couples — and as a husband — I’ve seen that emotionally secure partners consistently act in ways that reinforce safety,…
Anyone who’s spent time around Gen Z — or watched news stories about them — has heard the stereotypes: They are more anxious, fragile, and coddled than previous generations. As a developmental psychologist at Harvard, I study the experience of growing up across generations and I’ve heard every variation on this theme. To be sure,…
We know that raising emotionally intelligent kids sets them up for future success. The challenge is that many of us were never taught those skills ourselves. Growing up, many of us heard phrases like “stop crying,” “calm down,” or “be good.” Over time, those messages taught us to suppress feelings rather than understand them. As…
Every job, when you boil it down, is simply people talking to other people. As a career coach, I’ve advised professionals at all career stages. From what I’ve seen, the people who get ahead the fastest know how to communicate in a way that truly gets people to listen. You may not realize it, but the…
Habits shape how we work, how we manage stress, and how we relate to others. They determine whether we move closer to our goals, or repeat the same mistakes. The same is true in our romantic relationships. Our satisfaction, stability and sense of connection are directly related to the behaviors we default to every day. …
Dating is full of tiny money moments: choosing a restaurant, talking about travel, splitting a check, and deciding whether a gift is “too much.” You don’t need to ask someone how much they make, what their net worth is, or how much student loan debt they carry to learn how they approach money and what…
For years, bedtime was the most stressful part of my day. No matter how early we started or how carefully I planned, evenings always felt chaotic. I’ve heard the same story from many of the parents I’ve worked with, and it’s understandable. Bedtime is a major emotional transition that most of us were never taught…
When I was in college, in between my English and creative writing classes, I would race a few blocks downtown to volunteer at an animal shelter on the east side of Manhattan. Getting lost in books and spending time with shelter dogs were the twin pillars that held together the chaos of my twenties, and…
Building a healthy romantic relationship takes time and intention. Over time, meaningful experiences, personal disclosures and authentic conversations create closeness and intimacy. To genuinely know someone, you must understand what matters to them — their likes and dislikes, passions, limits — and respecting those traits even when they differ from your own. In fact, many…
