My 5-year-old daughter will start primary school in Italy this September. Watching her prepare for this next chapter has made me reflect on how much our lives have changed.
My husband, Alex Ninman, and I were both born and raised in the U.S., but our daughter wasn’t. We left New York City, where I worked in operations at a tech startup and my husband was a butcher at Whole Foods, to move to Europe in 2019. We were staying with my grandfather in the Czech Republic when we welcomed our daughter in 2020.
Today, we live in a small town in Italy’s Abruzzo region, about three hours outside Rome. While many Americans who move abroad are drawn to larger cities or well-known destinations like Florence, we chose a place that most tourists have never heard of.
We found a different way of life, and I can’t imagine moving back to the U.S. in the coming years.
Going abroad
Like many Americans, my husband and I grew up surrounded by the idea that success meant constantly upgrading — larger homes, newer cars, bigger achievements, and busier schedules.
Over time, we started questioning whether any of those things were actually making us happier.
Cassandra Tresl, her husband Alex Ninman, who were both born and raised in the U.S., now live with their daughter live in the Abruzzo region of Italy.
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While we weren’t chasing a fantasy version of life abroad, we did want more time, more flexibility, and a stronger sense of connection to the people around us.
Italy offered us so many of the things we felt were missing.
Buying a house in Abruzzo
Living in a small town made it possible for us to buy a home in cash without taking on the kind of financial burden that often comes with homeownership in the U.S.
We paid 11,500 euros, or about $13,100, for our home — a two-floor, two-bedroom house just under 1,076 square feet, with a third bedroom in the basement as well as an attic — and I’d estimate that we put in another roughly 15,000 euros, or about $17,100, toward renovations.
The fact that Tresl and her husband were able to buy their home in cash “felt unbelievable,” she says, adding that she feels “a sense of relief” not to have a monthly rent or mortgage payment.
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Food, childcare, and other expenses are more affordable here. The lower cost of living gave us breathing room and allowed us to focus less on earning more and more. I kept my tech job and worked remotely at first. But once we settled in, I felt free to let it go. I make less now doing marketing for an Italian travel company and creating content, but the tradeoff has been worth it.
My flexible schedule allows me to take my daughter to preschool in the morning, pick her up in the afternoon, and spend more of her childhood present for the everyday moments. It also gives our family the freedom to travel, explore new corners of Italy, and pursue projects we’re passionate about.
Tresl and her family live in a traditional hilltop town, she says: “That means we have these magnificent views all around us.”
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Our decision to settle here was more than financial. We were drawn to the sense of community. We wanted to become part of a place and contribute to it, rather than looking for a temporary adventure or an expat bubble.
Buying a house felt like a commitment to building a future in a community that welcomed us.
Finding a different kind of community
In our town, people don’t keep quite the same distance from one another that we often experienced growing up in the U.S.
Neighbors stop to talk in the street. Friends drop by unexpectedly. It’s not unusual for someone to pop in for a quick visit or check in simply because they haven’t seen you in a few days. It isn’t considered intrusive; it’s part of looking out for one another.
“We found a place where we could enjoy life and feel connected,” Tresl says.
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That sense of connection becomes especially visible during the summer. When school is out, life shifts into the piazza and the streets. After dinner, families gather outside while children run from one end of town to the other playing games together. Local festivals fill the calendar and August often feels like one long community celebration.
It’s common to see toddlers, school-age kids and teenagers still in the piazza at 11 p.m. or midnight while parents and grandparents sit nearby talking with friends.
When we first arrived, it felt completely foreign. Now it feels normal. In the U.S., people might assume the children are unsupervised. Here, we take comfort in the fact that they’re surrounded by a community that knows and cares for them.
Watching our daughter grow up
Our daughter started preschool shortly after turning 2 and has spent nearly her entire childhood immersed in the local culture. This fall, she’ll begin primary school alongside children she’s known for years.
Alongside English, Czech, and Italian, she’s beginning to absorb the local dialect — a language tradition that has been passed down through generations in this region. In a small way, she’s becoming part of the effort to carry that culture forward.
For Tresl and Ninman’s daughter, Italy and their small town in Abruzzo is home.
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For my husband and me, Italy will always be a country we chose and Italian a foreign language we have to work at. For our daughter, it’s simply home.
Living with less and gaining more
Life here isn’t perfect. We miss our family and friends in the states. And Italian bureaucracy can be frustrating, with things often moving at a slower pace than we’re used to. Simple tasks have often involved more paperwork, appointments, or follow-up visits than I expected. At one point, I even had to provide a copy of my health insurance card while setting up home internet service. I’ve learned that patience is often part of the process.
Tresl “can’t imagine moving back to the U.S.” anytime soon.
Martin Errichiello for CNBC Make It
But we’ve also gained things that are harder to quantify. We spend less time driving and consuming, and more time walking, talking with neighbors, participating in local events and being present in the mundane. Daily life feels less focused on material accumulation and more focused on relationships.
In our small town here in Abruzzo, we found a place where we could enjoy life and feel connected to the people around us. This is the kind of life we want for ourselves and our daughter, who we hope will continue to grow up with a deep sense of belonging.
Cassandra Tresl is a writer, content creator and curious observer of everyday life in rural Italy. She lives in Italy’s Abruzzo region with her husband, Alex, and their daughter, and shares stories through Rootless in Italy about family, community and building a life that looks a little different from the one she grew up expecting.
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