When a child is upset, most parents reach for the same question instinctively: “What’s wrong?” It’s well-intentioned and it comes from care. But after years of teaching conscious parenting and studying over 200 kids, I’ve seen how often that question does the opposite of what parents hope. Instead of opening children up, it can shut…
Certain people seem so effortlessly influential, they make you wonder if they were born with some magical quality. But after researching human behavior for 15 years, I have good news. Influence is a set of learnable actions, not a fixed personality trait. In my book, “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the…
I spent seven years studying high-achieving students, interviewing hundreds of them and their families. Many young people I met described monitoring grades, rankings, and résumés as if they were constantly evaluating their worth. In some families, achievement took on an outsized role, leading some children to wonder whether their parents’ love was tied to how…
As a relationship counselor with over 10 years of experience, I’ve learned that even the strongest couples face conflict. What sets emotionally intelligent couples apart is their ability to stay connected, even when disagreements arise. I’m often more concerned about couples who never fight, because avoiding conflict entirely can hide unresolved hurts. After all, the…
As a clinical psychologist, I often have to caution clients to examine the sparks that they feel for a new romantic prospect. You want to be excited about someone new and feel a deep connection to them. But many of us carry old wounds from our childhood, previous relationships, or formative experiences. If your past…
Between long office days, late dinners and endless to-dos, many working couples slip into a routine of coexisting instead of really connecting. The excuses feel valid: “We’re exhausted,” or, “We’ll catch up this weekend.” The problem is that they both end up missing the everyday moments that keep a relationship alive. As a psychologist who studies couples and as a husband,…
Before your child even steps out the door every day, their emotional baseline for the day is already set — not by color-coded routines, but by how safe and connected they feel in your presence. As a conscious parenting researcher, I’ve studied more than 200 kids, and I’m a mother myself. I’ve found that the…
It’s natural to want to comfort a child when they’re crying. When parents see their kid hurting physically or emotionally, they often want to do anything in their power to stop their heartache. As a dual certified child life specialist and therapist, I’ve heard parents and even health care workers telling kids “don’t cry” while…
My wife and I recently celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. In honor of the occasion, I asked couples who had been married 40, 50, or even 60 years a simple question: What relationship advice would you give to your younger selves? The participants ranged from a mid-60s couple who had just celebrated their 40th anniversary…
Ask anyone what they think keeps a relationship strong, and they will probably tell you it’s love. There’s some truth to that: love is what draws us together in the first place. But after years of studying couples as a psychologist, and as a husband, I’ve realized something that research keeps confirming: The real factor…
