I’ve studied happiness for 15 years and interviewed thousands of people about what helps them thrive. The happiest people I speak to are also the most emotionally secure. Research shows that people with high emotional security have greater resilience, emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction over the course of their lives — all of which are…
Parents today try to raise their children for good grades, perfect behavior and high achievement. We want them to do well and be able to handle challenges in life. But research shows that confidence and resilience stem from a child’s ability to feel safe being fully themselves. In my work of studying over 200 kids,…
Many people assume emotional security means never feeling jealous, arguing or questioning where they stand. But couples in emotionally secure relationships can navigate discomfort without losing trust in each other. As a psychologist who studies couples — and as a husband — I’ve seen that emotionally secure partners consistently act in ways that reinforce safety,…
We know that raising emotionally intelligent kids sets them up for future success. The challenge is that many of us were never taught those skills ourselves. Growing up, many of us heard phrases like “stop crying,” “calm down,” or “be good.” Over time, those messages taught us to suppress feelings rather than understand them. As…
Habits shape how we work, how we manage stress, and how we relate to others. They determine whether we move closer to our goals, or repeat the same mistakes. The same is true in our romantic relationships. Our satisfaction, stability and sense of connection are directly related to the behaviors we default to every day. …
For years, bedtime was the most stressful part of my day. No matter how early we started or how carefully I planned, evenings always felt chaotic. I’ve heard the same story from many of the parents I’ve worked with, and it’s understandable. Bedtime is a major emotional transition that most of us were never taught…
Building a healthy romantic relationship takes time and intention. Over time, meaningful experiences, personal disclosures and authentic conversations create closeness and intimacy. To genuinely know someone, you must understand what matters to them — their likes and dislikes, passions, limits — and respecting those traits even when they differ from your own. In fact, many…
When a child is upset, most parents reach for the same question instinctively: “What’s wrong?” It’s well-intentioned and it comes from care. But after years of teaching conscious parenting and studying over 200 kids, I’ve seen how often that question does the opposite of what parents hope. Instead of opening children up, it can shut…
Certain people seem so effortlessly influential, they make you wonder if they were born with some magical quality. But after researching human behavior for 15 years, I have good news. Influence is a set of learnable actions, not a fixed personality trait. In my book, “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the…
I spent seven years studying high-achieving students, interviewing hundreds of them and their families. Many young people I met described monitoring grades, rankings, and résumés as if they were constantly evaluating their worth. In some families, achievement took on an outsized role, leading some children to wonder whether their parents’ love was tied to how…
