Inspirational Thoughts of the Week:
(Cole Trickle drives his damaged Chevy Lumina into the pit stall)
Buck Brotherton: “Well, how about that? Something we don’t have to fix!”
(Crew chief Harry Hogg walks forward and kicks the part of the car that Bretherton is looking at)
Harry Hogg: “I don’t want you to get screwed, Buck.”
– “Days of Thunder”
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located in the back of the footlocker of the “College GameDay” bus where Nick Saban keeps his secret stash of “Anchor Down” Vanderbilt football apparel, we’re starting to worry that maybe those of you who look at these rankings, as the kids say, “on a regular basis,” might be like those who benefited from Saban’s time in Tuscaloosa. You’re getting a little spoiled.
Just two weeks ago, we had the all-time epic Meh Pillow Fight of the Week Mega Bowl match of the year between UMass and Kent State, winners of multiple of the most recent Bottom 10 titles. (We tried to see how many there actually are, but someone dropped the Yoo-Hoo on an archival floppy disk.) Then, last week, we saw the Sam Houston Bearcats duking it out with UTepid. Now the stage is set for the PFOWY for the third consecutive time, as Georgia State not Southern is hosting the South Alabama Redundancies. And, as you’ll read in the following words, this is just the tip of the season-sinking iceberg of non-major games to come, as the spotter on the Titanic shouted too late, “Right ahead!”
So, for all the discussion about Power Autonomous Hottie Four conference realignment, in-conference scheduling, CFP committee resume reading and headliner showdowns that all of the above seems to bring with it, how about some props for exactly what’s happening here with us? And by props I totally mean rubber chickens, whoopee cushions and one of those Groucho Marx plastic-nose-on-the-glass things.
With apologies to former Wichita State wide receiver Mike Proppe, former Drake tight end Hal Proppe, USC DB Prophet Brown and Steve Harvey, here are the bottom 10 rankings after Week 8.
Minuetmen continued their comeback in the #MACtion schedule, playing a former fellow Bottom 10 anchor, Buffalo Bulls Not Bills. With 59 seconds remaining, the Amherst Embers threw an interception that seemed to seal the 21–20 victory. As the ESPN Analytics Ouija board said they had a 90.9% chance of victory, UMass players demonstratively waved goodbye and made fake snow angels in celebration, incurring an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After going three-and-out after a punt, the Minutemen surrendered a four-play, 50-yard, 22-second TD drive only to lose in the final seconds, their lead becoming as real as that snow.
Bad news? The Bearcats lost to UTEP 35–17 in Pillow Fight of the Week Episode II: Attack of the Groans. Good news? If they didn’t tell anyone this happened, no one was likely to ever know, because the crowd they played in front of was so small that it would have saved time in the pregame if the PA announcer had introduced the starting lineup to people in the stands instead of the starting line-up.
Official attendance for Sam Houston vs. UTEP: 671
Smallest crowd in SHSU history https://t.co/rnNmBetqfQ
– UTEPnews (@theUTEPnews) 16 October 2025
What a great attraction this is for beaves. They eventually defeated the current leaders of the Patriot League, the Lafayette Leopards, by one game. After a week of open date against Fightin’ By U, they will play the first match of their in-season home-and-home double feature against Washington State, with whom they are currently tied for first in the 2Pac. They then host Sam Houston State in Week One of the Year Episode IV: A New Dope’s Pillow Fight.
The Miners won their second game of the season, but their boat is stuck in the Bottom 4 as pillow fight victories over other teams in the Bottom 4 come with trophies made of lead. Plus, that pickaxe of his always accidentally holes up in the boat.
Ah, the rites of autumn. You can set your watch to their essentials. Cool drop in evening temperatures. Change in color of leaves. Suburban Moms Main Pumpkin Spice. The Miami Hurricanes use their latest “We’re back!” Are hindering. The campaign ended with a defeat in mid-season that dropped them to a coveted fifth place. And those Canes fans don’t seem to understand what the coveted fifth spot is, despite the fact that they come here every year and thus fill my social media timeline with profanities stronger than Cuban coffee.
The Woof Pack continues to lose close games, the latest being their two-point loss at the hands of New Mexico. But you know what they say. Bandh counts only in horseshoes and hand grenades. and atomic bomb testing, which took place about 300 miles east of Reno. Feels very close to us.
Just as we should all keep a safe distance between ourselves and nuclear bomb testing, the Blue Raiders have a built-in buffer between Murfreesboro and the Bottom 5 in the form of Novak, whom they narrowly missed 14-13 in Week 3. But their November 22 visit to Sam Houston has the potential for a potentially boundary-breaking pillow fight of the week with the year’s Episode VII: The Farce Awakens.
Meanwhile, Georgia Southern Knott State won over Georgia State Knott Southern in the Pillow Fight of the Week. I made a joke last week that the loser would have to change its name from GSU to GUS, but I was angrily informed that this game already has a GUS in the form of the Georgia Southern Eagles mascot, whose name is, yes, Gus. The dirtiest letter I found was unsigned, but covered in white feathers.
Our second favorite red, white and blue team named USA returns to these rankings just in time for their matchup with Georgia State Not Southern, a meeting of the last place teams in each division of the Fun Belt, dubbed Pillow Fight of the Week Episode V: The Empire Looks Wicked.
In my mind I can see this Massachusetts native who had his heart broken by the Red Sox to start the MLB postseason… so he decided to go to the UConn-Boston College game to clear his mind, only to see the Eagles get crushed by the artist formerly known as U-Can’t… but then the thought came, “Hey, I could make it to Amherst for the second half Am!” And started saying goodbye with 0:59 remaining, when he thought UMass was going to win and saw the Minutemen blow him out… So, when he finally got to Southey’s house, and his dog bit him, he opened a six-pack of Sam Adams and went on the new ESPN app to watch Bill Belichick’s Tar Holes lose to Cal by fumbling the ball at the goal line at the end of the fourth quarter. Made myself feel better to watch the replay.
waiting list: Northern Ill-ugh-Noise, Kent State, EMU Emus, Oklahoma State no pokes, Charlotte 1-and-6ers, Wisconsin Badgers, Acronmonious, UNC Chapel Bills, USC-Notre Dame series coming to an end.
