Inspirational Thoughts of the Week:
“Are you surprised?”
“Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow and my head was sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be any more surprised than I am right now.”
-Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”
Here at the Bottom 10 headquarters, tucked away behind storage trailers that house all the makeup and rubber noses needed to make Glen Powell look even more unattractive in “Chad Powers,” we, like Chad’s South Georgia Catfish teammates and coaching staff, sometimes struggle to recognize who and what is actually standing in front of us. Then, when they reveal their true identities, which we’re assuming Chad will do at some point, we’re left standing with our jaws on the floor and faces in our hands, like Hugh freezes during yet another replay review.
WATCH: Last week’s highly anticipated Pillow Fight of the Week in the Mega Bowl, between then bottom 10 third-ranked UMaine Minutemen and fourth-ranked Kent State. And we weren’t alone in expecting a close game. The wise guys in the desert with their calculators next to the shrimp buffet had Kent as a 1.5-point favorite, and our ESPN analytics team’s Ouija Board Win Probability Index believed UMass had a 43.9% chance of emerging victorious.
Final score: Kent State 42, UMass 6.
Watch, Part 2: Penn State, which had come close to defeating Oregon in overtime just three weekends earlier, was facing its second consecutive bottom 10 contender, Northwestern, which had lost to the then-current UCLA Boo’ins a week earlier. And the Nittany Lions lost again, their third consecutive loss, then fired James Franklin, who had coached them just 10 months earlier, to within three points of playing for the national title.
Let’s check in on Penn State… pic.twitter.com/btJn0BbtgK
– Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) 11 October 2025
The point is that no one knows what we’re talking about. But it’s so much fun to talk about. Well, it’s a lot of fun for us. In Amherst, Massachusetts, and State College, Pennsylvania, they look out the window at the silent glory of a winter morning and watch a man in a bathing suit empty a chemical toilet into their sewer.
With apologies to former North Texas tight end Robert Griswold, former Northwestern tight end Bob Griswold, cousin Eddie George and Steve Harvey, here are the bottom 10 rankings after Week 7.
The Minuetmen currently rank 130th in points, 135th in rushing yards and 136th in points allowed. He also ranks 111th in passing yards. Do you think those other units look at people passing by and say, “Stop making the rest of us look bad”?
The Beavers traveled to North Carolina and lost to Appalachian State, then hosted another North Carolina team at Wake Forest and lost, then fired head coach Trent Bray, who wasn’t even the biggest coach to lose his job this week…
The good news for the Bearcats is that they are the closest they have come to getting a win all season before losing to Jacksonville State Knott Jacksonville City 29-27. Next week on the calendar is a Conference USA pillow fight. Who do they face? Keep scrolling…
Yes, it’s the Miners, who will travel to Sam Houston State on Wednesday night. Hopefully someone will remind them that Sam Houston State isn’t actually in Houston; It is an hour north in Huntsville. Hopefully someone will remind them that this is not Huntsville in Alabama, but in Texas, a city from Arizona Hopefully someone will remind them that this is an Arizona city in Texas, not the state of Arizona.
Sources told Bottom 10 Journalscenter that when James Franklin walked home from the office with his box of stuff, he was greeted by Charlie Weise and Bobby Bonilla, who gave him a signed copy of “How to Make a Mattress from Your Pile of Money” by Scrooge McDuck.
The Woof Pack started the year with a loss to Penn State, when Happy Valley was still in contention, and followed that up with a win over Sacramento State. The rest of the year has been like that of another former Reno-based late-night show, HBO’s “Cathouse.” And like that brothel reality show, we never admit we’ve seen, but secretly we can’t look away.
If you were wondering when MTSU and Novada would play in their edition of Pillow Fight of the Week, we have bad news. This has already happened. The Blue Raiders scored two TDs in the final six minutes to win 14–13 in Week 3.
When Trent Dilfer got fired by UAB, he went to the locker room to tear down a bunch of stuff, but after two and a half seasons of his exploding like the Red Anger guy from “Inside Out,” there was nothing left to tear down.
The Pillow Fight of the Week, Y’all Edition, is the college football equivalent of a Spider-Man meme, as Georgia State Knuckles travels to Georgia Southern Knuckles State, which is 2-4. The winner retains exclusive rights to “GSU” for the following year. The loser must change all of their logos to “GUS”.
For those of you — and we’re talking ourselves here — who are still upset about the lack of content at the UMass-Kent State game, you may have a picture in your mind of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda sitting on a Dagobah log and Luke Skywalker flying by to get his butt kicked by Darth Vader. “That boy was our last hope.” “No… there’s another one.” These other Huskies will travel to UMass on Nov. 12… and host Kent State over Thanksgiving weekend. Also, how cool would it be to see Obi-Wan and Yoda wearing #MACtion gear? Speaking of the Midwest, I’ve heard from several Wisconsin fans that the Badgers should be in this spot. Yes, I have seen your schedule. You will be here soon. To quote Fickell, Luke’s father – Skywalker – this is your destiny.
waiting list: Kent State, EMU Imus, South Alabama Redundancy, Oklahoma State No Pokes, Charlotte 1-and-5ers, Wisconsin Badgers, Bah-Stan Cavalese, UNC Chappell Bills, fingers crossed.
