Inspirational Thoughts of the Week:
Danny Ocean: Don’t you think that should be done?
Rusty Ryan: [Stares away in silence]
Danny: You think we need another one?
Rusty: [remains silent with his head leaning on top of his folded arms while hunched over on the bar]
Danny: You think we need another one?
Rusty: [remains silent]
Danny: Okay, we’ll get another one.
Rusty: [Blinks]
— “Ocean’s Eleven”
Here at Bottom 10 HQ, located under a pile of vintage Rene Ingoglia UMass jerseys, we believe in making the good times go as well as the bad. That’s why we love Thanksgiving leftovers.
When you go to the ice box on Saturday and open that recycled Country Crock container of leftovers from your Aunt Nancy’s artichoke casserole, it reminds you of Thanksgiving dinner and the laughs shared around the table with family and friends. But it also reminds you that Aunt Nancy is a little weird, because there are actually three butter containers filled with her gluten-free artichoke casserole that no one ate because she filled it with diced grapes.
So, with apologies to Mr. Ingoglia, because we don’t want him to attack us the same way he did in Rhode Island in 1995 or take us down the same way he attacked so many criminals as a member of the Orlando PD, we have to extend these rankings for another week, despite the fact that his alma mater stepped up and did his dirty work early. Like Aunt Nancy, we’re pretty sure she harvests the onions for her casserole a month ahead of time. Thus, Uncle Charlie continued to do his dirty work in the living room for the rest of the evening.
With apologies to former Marshall quarterback Byron Leftwich, Iowa State receiver Dominic OverbyCentral Michigan D-lineman quovian bird And Steve Harvey, here are the bottom 10 rankings after Week 13/before Thanksgiving.
The Minuetmen certainly did their dirty work ahead of schedule, launching their final #MACtion matchup of the season not on Tuesday night, but on Tuesday afternoon, as they hosted Boiling Green at 4:30 p.m. They lost 45-14, securing their status as the nation’s only winless team and the ability to enjoy their Turkey Day dinner while they sat down and watched their potential Bottom 10 championship. Competitors were helplessly sliding backwards down the hill, like cars trying to drive off. Beacon Hill during winter.
Georgia paid the Niners $1.9 million to come to Athens and lose 35–3. Former Georgia defensive coordinator Dan Lanning didn’t pay him anything rename them chattanooga state,
The loss to Troy Bolton State extended the Panthers’ losing streak to eight games. They finish their season at Old Dominion, which is a school, not a trucking company or country music band. Although I would totally love to see a music video featuring the Georgia State team traveling in an Old Dominion truck to face Old Dominion, while also hearing the Perfect Bottom 10 theme song, Old Dominion’s “Time, Tequila and Therapy.”
The beauty of college football is that even a bad season can be salvaged with a Rivalry Week win, and the Cowboys could do just that via a big Bedlam win – check notes – Iowa State?
A quick Iconic Fifth Spot reminder that “The Many Lives of Lane Kiffin” is now streaming on the brand new ESPN app. We worked really hard on that E:60 documentary throughout the spring and summer, especially the part when he wonders out loud why he would ever leave Oxford because he and his family are so happy there. When we made that movie, we had no idea that, like onions in Aunt Nancy’s casserole, it had an expiration date.
Speaking of confusing films, Beaves keeps the bottom 10 ranking feeling like an early Christopher Nolan film that constantly changes our beliefs about reality. They won two in a row, then lost two in a row, including a loss to…
The reigning champion Bearcats defeated Oregon State, then triumphed over Delaware, but could not continue the winning streak as they lost…
The then ninth ranked Bearcats defeated the then ninth ranked Blue Raiders 31-17 in what was possibly the last true pillow fight of the season Week of the Year as a trip to Whew Mexico State in this week’s season finale was not what we thought it would be as the former Bottom 10 stalwarts other Aggies had the audacity to already win four games, including last week’s win Was…
The Miners avoided these rankings the entire season before re-entering a week ago and then repeated that entry via a 34–31 final loss to New Mexico State in the 102nd edition of the Battle of the I-10, which is especially impressive considering I-10 was not constructed until the 1960s.
The Golden Beagles nearly ruined Georgia Tech’s season two weekends ago, then had to watch fellow former Big East member Pitt turn into a rambling wreck. Now BC closes out the year against another Big East refugee, Syracuse, who, at the time of this story’s writing, was giving up touchdowns to Notre Dame in South Bend bus parking lots, on South Bend Airport tarmacs and in its recurring nightmares.
waiting list: No-wada, San No-say state, Pur-don’t, Arkansas Fightin’ Patrinos, ULM (pronounced “uhlm”), Kalra-duh state, Ram spitting.
