Inspirational Thoughts of the Week:
I’m riding slow in my Prius
All leather, tinted windows, you can’t see us!
Everyone’s trying to park, you can feel the tension
I’m in electric mode, can’t even hear the engine sound
Then I saw an opening
My timing is perfect! I am crawling…
But then this other guy tries to steal it
Going the wrong way!
“Hey man, I’ve had a long day!”
It’s getting real in the Whole Foods parking lot!
I’ve got my skills and you know it shines bright
— “It’s getting real in the Whole Foods parking lot,” DJ Spider
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, which is located in the giant audio warehouse where Kirk Herbstreit keeps all the recordings of the “AAAAAWWWWWW” that people release upon seeing Peter the dog, we took a look at the calendar hanging on the front of our refrigerator and realized… wait… we realized it’s not 2008 like this calendar says… okay… it’s new… let’s start again.
We looked at the calendar hanging on the front of our refrigerator and realized there were only three weekends left in the 2025 college football season. Or, if you live in a #MACtion world like us, there will only be three more weekends and three more weeks of Tuesday and Wednesday games played between ice banks.
It means things are about to get real. Of course, the hoity-toity Top 10 will tell you it’s all about the CFP. But here, it is about BFP, Bottom 10 Football Playoff. And once we wake up Charlie Weis and dial back our Internet, we too will shape a bracket that will determine a champion. The real champion. Champion of life. Or, really, life. Board game. Where the gold revenge square gives you the option to “sue for damages” with the goal of “retire in style” or “retire to the country to become a philosopher.”
And now it suddenly dawns on us that Brian Kelly and his lawyers must be into board games.
With apologies to former Ohio State running back David Board, former Idaho receiver Tom Gamelin, as well as Georgia State receiver Kieron Miltonair force lineman brian bradley And Steve Harvey, here are the bottom 10 rankings after Week 11.
The Minuetmen are the only winless team in the country, but the final three weeks of their #MACtion Revenge Reunion Tour would seem to provide two solid chances to taste victory before tasting the Thanksgiving turkey, starting with a Wednesday night pillow fight against bottom 10 weight lister Northern Ill-Ugh-Noise on this year’s Mega Bowl tour, which airs. 7pm ET on ESPNUESPN Analytics Ouija Board says UMass has a 21,8% chance of winning, its best chance for the rest of the season,
During this week’s traditional flood of #Bottom10 lobbying on social media after the weekend, I heard from a Nevada graduate named @mugtang, who wrote: “Nevada will lose to UMass by 3 touchdowns! Rank us #1 in the bottom 10. Or will it be #136?” In related news, after reading his tweet, I went to the store, bought some Tang drink mix and drank it from a mug. With rum in it. Like astronauts used to do.
The Panthers lost 40-27 at Coastal Carolina last week. Next, they host the Marshalls, which is convenient for Thundering Herd fans, who can follow the Georgia State bus as they leave town because it is a natural law that at any given time, half the population of West Virginia is in Myrtle Beach.
The Niners traveled from Down East to EC-U and lost 48–22. In their defense, they weren’t themselves as they were already testing what it’s like to play covered in bubble wrap and rubber boat bumpers, preparing for their Week 14 trip to Georgia.
Legend has it that when the angel Moroni showed Joseph Smith the golden plates upon which the Mormon Church was founded, he also warned Smith to be sure to pay attention to the oft-forgotten inscription scratched on the back side of the plates: “Beware of the reputed fifth place, lest it bite you in the rear in Lubbock.”
Sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that BC and UMass are secretly looking to play a Bottom 10 Toilet Bowl title game on Christmas Eve, which will be held in the parking lot of the Mass Turnpike Natick Service Plaza, sponsored by Dunkin’, D’Angelo’s Sandwiches and Vinnie’s Vape and Spray Tan. Go socks.
Listen to me. A reality show where all the college football coaches who have been fired this season meet at the Buffalo Wild Wings and watch the game together. Or even better, they do it at Mike Gundy’s farm.
It’s always hard when you don’t know what you wish you knew at a time, but it feels better because you thought you knew a lot about what was still to come, only to find that the time to come won’t be what you thought you knew and the first thing you didn’t know at the time feels even more like a lost unknown opportunity. WATCH: We didn’t realize how big the Week 3 game between MTSU and Nevada was, and now the game we thought was going to be big — MTSU vs. Sam Houston State on Nov. 22 — isn’t as big as it once was. Why?
Because of what Beavs did. Or, indeed, what they failed to do. Other OSU spent the first two months of the season in these rankings before departing thanks to two consecutive wins over Lafayette and fellow 2Pac members Washington State. It was like the scene in “The Dark Knight Rises” when Bruce Wayne broke out of the underground desert prison where he had been banished by Bane… only this time when he got to the top, Ben was waiting to step on his toes. And who is Bane in this Batman Bottom 10 metaphor?
(For the full Bane effect, read the next lines with your hand over your mouth while impersonating a screaming Cockney actor suffering from constipation, wearing a Bearcats hoodie.) “Curious how you figured this imaginary escapade would be successful, Cupped Crusader! Now we come for you, Blue Raiders!”
waiting list: Tulsa time, colora-duh state, utepid, arkansas fightin’ petrino, south alabama redundancy, north il-ugh-noise, living on billable hours.
